WELL THIS HAPPENED
I've been holding onto this magnitudinous information for some hours now, waiting for the moment to spring it on my late night and tired-eyed readers. Or are you reading this in the AM of early dawn? It does not matter, because today is nothing short of a beautiful day in what has truly been a beautiful year. So much has happened this year that I did not wish to resolve to happen at New Year, for that would be a sure way of disappointing myself. It is better this way, for I appreciate it a million times more.
I have so much to do and so much I want to write about; how do I manage it all? I manage it moment by moment, because I know the world will not end because I have not written the piece I want to write about overlapping vision perceptions creating concrete manifestations of commonly desired realities. The world will not flip violently due to my not being able to write more than a few things a day, chipping away, on the novel and stories I intend to birth forth from out of me. Surely the birds will still fly and life will go on even if I don’t create what I want to create: although for some reason, deep down, I find this hard to believe? The indestructible sense of immortality within the youthful mind is mind-boggling, even for she who witnesses it. I can’t help but feel that I simply MUST do what I do, for without it, the world just might not go on as it would?
Last night, Taylor Swift (one of my all time favourite artists/ people/ idols) followed me on Tumblr, and I woke up to what seemed like a million messages, so many that for about ten minutes I didn't realise what had happened while I'd been sleeping. This might sound strange, but after I was finished fan-girling and really thought about it, something occurred to me. You know that point in life when you start to get less obsessed with your accomplishments and more interested in the visual effects of the world abounding? I’m in that place. I’m in excavation at the moment. I have busted through some bird cage that had its iron fist around my walled up heart. Fear. Panic. Anxiety. Like being watched from some small camera eyes in the boughs of the trees above. That’s what it felt like. Tonight I see ancient stars dialling across an ancient sky and remember what it was like to be still. I remember what it was like to watch, and receive, and to come through to the other side. I see that I've been protecting myself from something that poses no threat anymore.
Our world has changed so drastically, to the point where the idea of one of your idols following you from halfway around the world is no longer a pipe-dream, but a distinct possibility. We are so connected in this world today. Yet you cannot tweet an experience. You cannot Facebook a feeling. You can appropriate your life through this etheric entity called the internet, but where does the “net” actually exist? I yearn (and I believe many of my generation do too, even if it’s latent at this stage) for the stuff of life. Are we so comfortable that we are content with avoiding the gritty, gutsy, dirty, powerful, exhilarating stuff of life? Food, music, hand to hand interaction, presence, authenticity, communion, creativity – these are the things that you cannot generate solely from the digital world. They are surely heightened by our participation in the digital world, and we can most certainly use digitality (new word :P) to further our venturing into these crafts: that is, purchasing online, finding recipes online, writing with a keyboard, all of which are all faster ways to achieve what we used to take longer with.
The slow movement which came after fast food is one thing, the emphasis on local produce is another. What I want to stand for, is slower living, as an antidote to the rapid onslaught and distraction that I experience every day when I open my laptop and turn on my phone. That’s why this blog has been so unusual to a lot of people who encourage me to market and sell, tag and advertise: I understand that one must venture out of the cave to experience the world and let the world experience you, but I wanted to treat this blog as a place to put my immediate feelings about what I was going through, as I took those first few steps into a new world. Now that I’m here, and seeing what else I have to do-achieve-generate and be aware of, my time with the blog feels as if it may alter and shift, as I alter and shift with it. I am intuitively wary of going against the grain of my primary intentions, which means that tweeting/ facebooking/ blogging and so on, aren’t so aligned with my goals as I might have hoped they’d be. I've not had social media accounts (the only exceptions being Wattpad and Tumblr and perhaps this blog - do they even count?) for three or four years now, and I don't feel as if I miss anything. It's kind of a relief – I find that whole universe is rushing in any which direction, with very little intentionality. So, that being said, although I’m considering going back to social media, perhaps next year, I'm not sure. I don't know if really wish to be completely connected. I have my friends, and I don't need them to be Facebook officiated. I have a phone to message them on, and I don't have any desire to message them publicly over Twitter. Have I just talked myself out of going back? Quite possibly. Watch this space.
Taylor Swift once said something about the person she felt she needed to be for her fans 'while my name matters to them' and that really made me think as well. I know how quickly my music tastes change, having gradually seen the end of a rock-inspired music faze, and I wonder about that. I think she's incredibly right. I love her music, but as we change and develop the things we like and admire change too, something Taylor Swift is an excellent example of. You know that saying 'people will forget what you said and what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel' ? It's like that. Things change so rapidly in this day and age that we cannot guarantee who we'll be tomorrow. All I know is that even if I don't really listen to Taylor say ten years from now, I do know I'll never forget that she was my thirteenth follower on Tumblr when I was sixteen. That she made my day, and that right now, her name matters a whole lot to me.
So, cheers to real life and to grander plans unfolding. Here's to the beauty of technology and the people whose names matter to us right now. Here's to the friends (Hanne I'm looking at you) who help to make magic happen. Here's to the future. It must be a heaven of a journey from here.