Dwindling Thoughts

My week has been a happy one, but none-the-less exhausting. It starts in the Primary School, practising with the snowflakes their dance routine for the nativity play. I spend my afternoons making reindeer food with oats and glitter and doodling on the library windows for my friend's photography project.  Then all to soon I am back in class forced to deal with the serious stuff. My university application is completed and next week it will be sent away.

Despite being so laid back with everything there are worries playing on my mind. Friends who aren't who I thought they were, a realisation I cannot close my eyes too. It is there whenever we're together and even when we're not. I've been here before. It's always so obvious once we realise. I'm caught between people I love and people I want to run away from. When I walk home with old friends I am reminded so much of what I lost the last time. Something I can't afford to lose again.  I feel like I'm caught in a never ending cycle of bad relationships. I had become complacent these last few weeks and I now find myself in the same trap it took me so long to get out of. I am desperate to escape.

As I type the rain is crashing down. The storm is supposed to pass in the next few days but I love the sound so much I almost wish it could stay longer. They're calling her Abigail and I see why because  she's a wee bit mental and it reminds me of The Crucible. I've become obsessed with Miranda Lambert's song 'The House That Built Me' recently. It makes me think of all the places I've called home, will call home, all the places where I've left some sort of mark. I always thought I'd get out of this town as soon as I could but sometimes I realise that I could go as far away as possible and still have a connection to this place.  The street that bears my name. my favourite restaurant, this home, the old house, my family, friends. The people who astonish me with their kindness. The primary school that hasn't changed a bit, the high school that looks like half a glass doughnut. I have so many memories here, good and bad. This town built me.

I will be forever grateful for that.



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