For Now, I'll See You Monday
|L-R Erin, Silvana, Samantha, Hannah, me, Kaitlyn, Erin, Morgan, Charlotte, Nadine|
"See you Monday?"
"Yeah, I'll see you Monday."
The week that has just past has been one of the ordinary ones. This year I am determined to appreciate all the little things, in the absence of any big things and this week gave me the perfect opportunity. The way the sunshine returned in the morning and spilled all over my desk when I least expected it. The arrival of the books I ordered with the pretty covers and the delivery of more handwritten letters. I feel so very loved right now, like I couldn't be surrounded with more love if I tried. It's beautiful.
Throughout the past few days, every so often I'll reach into my desk drawer or bedside drawer or find a letter tucked in my book or lying on my shelf. It's so beautiful to re-read them, trace the words and read them aloud to myself, to make sure I've captured everything they say. I wish I could remember everything.
On Thursday we all go to the school ceilidh and I was surrounded by all my friends. We dance and smile and laugh for most of the night, and when it's over we go to McDonalds for nourishment. It was a really lovely night. Nearly all of us are wearing black and it feels appropriate because Alan Rickman just died and I am completely heartbroken. I have to be honest and say the news of David Bowie's death didn't really affect me, because I could never claim to have been a massive fan, but Alan Rickman's death shook me a little bit. His were the films I grew up with, he brought some of my favourite literary characters to life on the screen, and although I know I can re-watch those films and interviews, but all those things carry memories. Who I first watched them with, where I was, how happy I was. With Alan Rickman gone, those moments feel distorted almost, broken, He was there, in some ways, for all of the best days of my childhood and early teens, and now he's gone.
I know this seems strange to people, how we can be affected by the death of celebrities, people we never met, but the truth is, while he was never aware of it, Alan Rickman was a part of my life. He was a big inspiration to me too. See, I used to have this belief as a child, that seems silly now I'm 17, but as I child I realised that all the people I admired had all done something huge before they were or when they were sixteen. Taylor Swift for example. I believed that to be a success, everything started at sixteen, and for so long I could find no exceptions. Now I still don't know what I want to do, and the notion that if you don't find your passion before sixteen now seems absurd, but Alan Rickman was the first person to prove that to me. He was 26 when he started acting. He made me realise that it's not when you go after your passions and your dreams that matters, but that go after them at all. And once I realised that, I started to put my first ever dream into action and now in a few months time I'll be living in India. (funnily enough I was 16 when I applied hehe)
There's a moment at school dances, near the end of the night, when everyone sort of huddles together. No matter how synchronised or crazy the huddle is, suddenly you seem to catch eyes with all the people who matter most to you. You copy each other's stupid dance move, or reach across to them or just simply catch eyes and it's like nothing in the world could ever replace how you feel in those moments. To know Thursday was one of the last moments, the last of school dance silent understandings, was quite sad and nostalgic for me and it took me by surprise.
All of us are going to go on and do completely different things, and there's no guarantee we'll be in each other's lives come this summer and the end of high school. We might like each other's status updates or see them on the train or something, but in a few months, this bond of ours will be broken. For me, that's a strange thing to think about. For so long I've been caught in a slightly changing but fairly normal routine, involving the same people, doing similar things. I knew back in August that this would largely be a year of lasts but the end still felt light years away. Now it's coming up full speed ahead and I'm not sure if any of us, library card game playing, social area scootering hooligans are ready for that.
On Friday I spent my afternoon chasing the sun with Samantha and Klaudia, trying to get good shots, perfect shots, but more often than not I found my camera drifting towards the people who surrounded me rather than my brief. Matthew dressed as Indiana Jones holding a guitar he couldn't play and singing our caritas song. Samantha as she stomped on the ice and turned around at the perfect moment. Adam and Anthony looking like detectives on their way to McDs and the way Erin photoshopped it. Getting Klaudia peeping out from behind the bin.
I think we forget who we've been. It's so easy to assume we've always looked like we do right now, even when we know that's not true. Part of me wishes we could've taken photography since day one, instead of just in our last year. Just so I could have more of these little moments to look back on.
With that thought in mind, I know I should be out in the city right now taking photos for my final project but it's near freezing and the snow has started to fall, so I might have to out that off till tomorrow.
|Charlotte and Me ( I think this is the nicest selfie of me ever!)|
|Silvana, Klaudia and me having a wee rest in the middle of all the dancing.|
|L-R Padrig, Hannah, Samantha, Nadine, me, Morgan and Kaitlyn. ( I was jumping because everyone else was in heels/is way taller than I am)|
|this shows off the height thing pretty well! L-R Silvana, Hannah, Nadine, Me, Morgan, Kaitlyn (back), Charlotte, Erin and Erin|
|me and Klaudia promoting peace|
|Kaitlyn, Morgan, Samantha and Me. I love these girlies :D|
|Padrig, Hannah, Samantha, Nadine, Me and Kaitlyn|
|Erin and Me with demon eyes :D|
|Me with Mrs James MacAvoy (aka Samantha)|