Being The Bigger Person



I don’t want to hold the door for you, or smile at you, or tell you good morning.


I don’t want to ignore your under-the-breath comments and pretend to not see your blatant, immature looks.


I don’t want to bite my tongue and nod politely and say all the things I should and be the put-together, well-mannered, treat-others-how-I’d-like-to-be-treated good girl that I try so hard to be.


No. I want to stick out my tongue like a child and roll my eyes when you speak. I want to call you out on your B.S. and shout your lies to the entire room. I want to wrinkle my nose in disgust and laugh in your face and shut the door just before you walk in. I want to be just as mean, just as selfish, and just as two-faced as you.


I don’t want to be the bigger person today.


Today I want to cut you off in the hallway and steal your seat at the lunch table. I want to take the last bag of crisps from the cafeteria and not bother to offer you a one. I want to interrupt you when you’re speaking and tell you to have a shite day. Because that’s honestly what you deserve.


I don’t want to be a nice person or a good person or a respectful person or the bigger person. I just want to be mean.


But I won’t.


Because you’ll walk in and I’ll smile automatically. You’ll tell me to have a good day and I’ll respond with the same. You’ll leave and I won’t have the chance to close the door in your face, but that’s okay. Because the moment has passed and I can’t hate you. I won’t hate you.


Instead I will hold doors and nod at stories and smile even when I’m angry. Because being bitter only takes the happiness off my own face. Giving you back what you gave me only makes me lesser. Makes me unsatisfied. Does nothing for me.


And darling, the sweetest revenge will never be in getting back at you.


It will be in walking by you confidently, proudly. Knowing that however far behind I might be, I'll forever be one step ahead of you. The bigger person with a massive grin on my face.


photo credit: ryann fitzgerald

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