When last Friday ended I rushed out of school, relieved by the knowledge that one of the worst weeks was finally over. I am ready to turn a page, start anew. I feel different though, like the wall of certainty I'd built up over the past year has been broken down and now all I'm left with is cracks. It's been a long time since I've not trusted the ones around me with all my heart.
I spend my weekend revising for my mock exam and helping mum. She looks so happy on Mother's Day and I wonder if she knows that I would do anything to keep her smiling like that forever more. She is laughing, looking more carefree than I've seen her in a while and it makes me smile. I am surrounded by love. As everyone gets up to leave we open the door and realise the sky above us is illuminated with pinks and blues and greens. The northern lights. I'd never seen them in person before and it takes my breath away. Nothing compares to being surrounded by the best people, under the best sky, peacefully content.
On Monday I return to school weary but rejuvenated. My blog follower count is growing steadily again and it makes me smile. I work with the little ones and the sun is shining and I'm starting to feel like myself again. That night I go into town to take more photos. Most of them end up out of focus and it's freezing cold and some wee neds are shouting at us, but I have fun none the less. I spend Tuesday and Wednesday morning revising for my prelim and then it is time. We are all bundles of nerves but I think I've done alright. When I walk into primary one one of the little girls runs up to give me a hug and grins cheerily, and says 'we said a whole mary for you' I laugh, grateful I got a 'whole' mary as opposed to a 'half' mary. They never fail to make me smile. One of the little boys is trying to help put the toys away and is carrying a box bigger than he is. In the process he knocks over a display board and nearly crashes into the wall, but he's so proud of himself and I am too. When he runs up to give me hug I hug him back and tell him how kind it was of him to help and his little face lights up. Some of the girls draw me a picture and I am so touched but when I leave I realise that among all the chaos I left it sitting on the chair.
Wednesday is day I reach 300 followers on Bloglovin' and get more page views before 7am than I've had on some days. I feel like I'm finally getting there and I couldn't be happier. I know it's not about the numbers but they do add a little something. Late Thursday night, my brain is still wide awake and I can't sleep and that's when I realise the beauty of having long distance friends. I log onto to skype and call Lucy. We've not spoken in a while so I've got a lot to catch her up on. She tells me about her first date with a guy I can tell she's smitten with and about her uni offers. I'm ranting about school and my prelims. It's late before we sign off, and I'm so much more relaxed and sleep comes easy.
It's crazy how much can change in a week. This time last week I was relived just to be getting out of school, but tonight Zara and I skipped and danced and squealed from the moment we left modies and all the way down the driveway. We are so happy, ecstatic at the fact that our prelims are FINALLY over. I am determined to enjoy this weekend.
photo credit: stella rose