The Happiest I've Ever Been // A Poem
In this new place,
there are no memories of you.
Your pictures do not cover these walls,
Your body does not lurk behind
every stop sign, every street corner, every aisle
of the supermarket, just waiting
to make my heart skip a beat again.
I do not think of you when I first wake up
when I look out the window,
when I glance at my new bed,
new closet, new room, new life.
No, I don’t imagine you just up the road,
rolling out of bed with that hair all askew
and that sleepy smile across your lips.
I don’t think about the places
where we kissed or the laughter that coated
every crowded hallway, every open room.
You are nonexistent here,
Only alive in my memory.
And I want to keep you there.
Far from my reach,
Far from my sight, far enough
that when I close my eyes late at night
I can’t remember
the sound of your sleepy breathing,
can’t remember the feeling of your hand
on the small of my back,
can’t remember how it feels to love someone
who doesn’t love you enough.
because I’m 5,000 miles away
with only my heartbeat keeping me company
and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.