Life Currenly #5
I’m not sure what I thought being an adult would be like when I was a kid, but some days I think whatever that far-fetched utopia was, I’m sure it was nowhere near the reality it has eventually become. Someone asked me recently what I thought was the most difficult thing I've had to deal with as an adult has been (I'm counting adulthood from the moment I turned 18 and moved halfway around the world to India you see) and upon reflection, I think the most difficult thing about adulthood so far has been being an adult itself. The expectations. The goals. The ambitions. The challenges. The hurdles. The responsibilities. The disappointments. The knowledge that whatever I get myself into, I have to get myself out of it.
I sometimes look around at other people and I wonder how they look so composed. So organised. So together. So set. So-like-they-know-what-they’re doing. Meanwhile I have no idea how to turn on the hot water in my little bathroom and I'm washing my clothes in a bucket, suddenly realising the vast amount of things I have taken for granted my whole life. It is only now that I'm the one having to teach, prepare lesson plans, make up resources etc that I guess it's hit me like a ton of bricks how much effort my parents (both teachers) and my own school teachers, put in to get me to where I am today.
I guess it is only when we are thrown into adulthood ourselves that we begin to appreciate all that we've taken for granted all these years. Then again it doesn't change the fact that some days I’m completely baffled by life. Confused by it. Overwhelmed. Overawed. Caught off guard by it. I definitely still have those days I wish I could pick it up, box it up, post it off and let someone else deal with it. That someone else would take the choices, the considerations, the decisions out of my hands. Maybe they’d do a better job. Maybe they’d be sensible and disciplined and balanced and not so ridiculously erratic or impulsive or unpredictable. Maybe they would rule with their head. Maybe they would listen to their gut. Maybe they wouldn’t be dragged through life by the strings of their heart. Maybe everyone else has it all worked out. Maybe they’re better at lying to themselves than I am.
Being thrown into adulthood in a country with a culture so vastly different to the one I've always known, doing a job that takes a lot of preparation and trying to navigate the very notion of being 100% responsible for myself, and often my partner as well has been incredibly hard. We have to look out for ourselves and each other during our time here and being given so much responsibility all at once, is a challenge. I am sure I will master it, but it is still hard. I know already that I will no doubt look back on my time in India as being amazing, and so I guess this little life currently is a reminderto my future self that it wasn't always easy, especially not at the very beginning.
EATING: curry, curry, and more curry. Seriously, as much as I adore Indian food, the waft of curry I get walking into the cafeteria each mealtime is somewhat soul crushing.
DRINKING: always water. so, so much water. We're actually really lucky our project is full of water filters, although drinking out of a stainless steel cup is taking a lot of getting used too.
READING: Harry Potter & The Cursed Child! Alex got it for her birthday and brought it with her and now she's finished it I get to read it, which is amazing.
LISTENING: Taylor Swift in my room and bollywood music in the car to work everyday.
WATCHING: nothing just now! The TV downstairs is all in Hindi or Telugu and the wifi is too slow for youtube to load.
WANTING: the mosquitoes to stop biting me!! arghh I have a net, spray, plug in and yet they still bite! How??
LOOKING: forward to buying our first saris on Saturday yay!
ENJOYING: preparing for and teaching our lessons each day.
WAITING: for our hot water to be fixed, although the cold showers in this hot climate haven't been that bad!
WONDERING: what type of curry will be for dinner tonight
LOVING: getting to know more about Alex & India
HOPING: I'll get a VPN soon and can use the internet freely again
MARVELLING: that I've been in India for a week already :O
NEEDING: to write in my journal more.
WEARING: our western clothes until we get our saris!
NOTICING: so today we were in the car to work and suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes and we were like ahhh and then the guy in the passenger seat got out and was trying to shoo a little puppy of the road, then he fell and failed to shoo the puppy and so preceded to lift it up and carry it across to the other side of the road ( and on busy indian roads this is a feat in itself)
KNOWING: that this year might just be the making of me
LAUGHING: so often, today because Alex & I were being silly and we threw our pillows to eachother to compare them and her throw near knocked me out just as all the workmen came in to fix our sockets!
THINKING: about tommorow's lesson
DAYDREAMING: about sunday's lie in hehe
WISHING: for better internet, but I'm surviving!
FEELING: loved, surrounded by photos and cards from my family and because they get really excited when I facetime.